Beautiful Release
by Melephunk2010
Summary: Aaron plunges into depression when the unthinkable happens.
1. Preface

**Beautiful Release**

**Summary: **Aaron plunges into depression as the unthinkable happens...

**Preface**

Aaron bounded into Dale Head, a huge grin plastered on his face. Just three weeks ago, Aaron finally confessed his love for his boyfriend, Jackson Walsh, who was left permanently paralysed in a freak accident in October. It took a lot of work for Aaron, but he finally got Jackson back, and could finally start to see some kind of future for them both.

"Jackson? Ryan's having a little leaving do up at the Woolpack, you up for it?" Aaron smiled, taking a seat next to Jackson's bed.

Jackson turned his attention away from the TV and smiled. "I don't really feel up to it Aaron. I'm not feeling too good, but you can go! Give Ryan a hug for me and wish him luck yeah?"

"You are looking a bit pale. Want me to call the doctor or something?" Aaron asked, running his hand across Jackson's forhead. "Mate, you're burning up real bad! If you're ill, I can stay. Ryan'll understand."

"No! I've already got Mum and Joe fussing! It's ok. Go on, Go see him off. I'll be fine, Go have fun."

Aaron reluctantly agreed, not wanting to let his stubbornness cause an argument. "Alright. I won't get drunk, and I'll pop in and see you before i go home, ok?"

"Aaron I'll probably be already asleep! You can see me in the morning! Go on, go!"

Aaron nodded and stood up. "Alright." Aaron bent down and kissed Jackson softly on the lips. "I love you, you know."

Jackson smiled and nodded "And I love you. I'll see you tomorrow!"

Aaron smiled and shouted a quick goodbye to Joe and Hazel, before leaving the house. He hesitated slightly, and it took all of his willpower to stop him from going back into the house, but he was determined to have fun. For Jackson, anyway.

Aaron arrived at the Woolpack, Ryan was already half drunk, and was sitting in the corner with Adam, Debbie, Mia and Cain. He waved over to the group, ordered a drink, and joined them in thier tales, as they reminicsed over Ryan's life in the village.

eeeeee

"Don't forget that time that girl was stalking you in Bar West" Aaron laughed. "Can you remember what you did to throw her off the scent? You kissed me!"

"Oh do one Livesy I didn't kiss you!" Ryan smiled, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Aaron's phone rang loudly beside him, he picked it up and groaned at the name. "Hazel.." he mouthed to Adam

"Hello?"

"Aaron, it's Joe. You need to get back here now."

Aaron could hear the faint sound of sobbing coming from the other end of the phone.

"Joe? What's going on? Who's crying?"

"Mate, Just get here now! It's Jackson...He won't wake up."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The young mechanic ran as fast as he could, desperate to reach his destination, desperate for confirmation that he'd misheard what was said.

He reached Dale Head, and Joe was stood outside, a mournful look taking over the smiley, happy Joe that usually greeted him.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron." Joe sobbed.

"No...No Joe please! Please tell me you're lying!"

"I did everything I could. I couldn't get him back. I'm sorry."

Aaron shook his head and barged past Joe, he ran through the door of Dale Head and was almost sick at the sight infront of him.

Hazel was cradling Jackson in her arms, rocking him backwards and forwards, sobbing uncontrollably into her son's lifeless body. Hazel looked up and nodded, and with one final look at her boy, she let him fall from her embrace. She kissed the top of his head softly, and placed a hand on Aaron's shoulder, before leaving the house, and falling into Joe's waiting arms.

"Right. You can stop messing around now. Wake up." Aaron sobbed. "You can't leave me Jackson. Not like this. You're gonna be fine, Jay. You're gonna wake up, smile at me, tell me everything's gonna be ok. Make me feel like I'm the only person on this fucking earth, cause that's what you do. You make me feel so fucking alive Jackson.. So come on, get them eyes open and tell me this was all a horrible prank." Aaron sobbed, taking on a smiilar position to Hazel, wrapping his arms around Jackson's cold frame.

"Me and you, we're gonna get through this. You're not gone. Not really. You're just pratting me around. You told me you'd still be here in the morning Jackson. Jackson? Wake up. Please...Jack-" Aaron's voice cracked with emotion, and he buried his head into his lover's shoulder, crying harder than he ever knew he could. The sobbing teen was disturbed, by two men entering the house. He looked up at them through teary eyes. Hazel was standing at the side of them.

"Aaron? Come on. It's time to let go." Hazel sniffed

"Let go? Why? What are they doing here?"

"They've...They've come to take him Aaron. They need to take him."

"No...Why? They can't take him anyway cause he's not dead. He's just fucking around. Jackson wake up and tell them! You're not taking him away from me! I almost lost him before and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let it happen again!"

Hazel's heart broke at the sight infront of her "Aaron, sweetheart..."

"He's not dead Hazel. He can't be! I can't let him go Hazel...I can't let him go..."

"He'll always be with you Aaron." Hazel sobbed, approaching the hysterical teen and trying to get him away from Jackson.

"I don't think I can survive never seeing him again. I can't get through a day without needing, wanting to see his face, wanting to talk to him, Tell him he's the strongest person i know and tell him how much I love him."

"Me either Aaron love...Me either." Hazel sobbed.

The coroners placed Jackson's body onto a trolley and took him out to thier van. Paddy and Chas were waiting outside, tears streaming down thier faces.

Aaron stepped back out into the warm May evening, instantly being pulled into a hug by his mother. He couldn't take it anymore, his knees buckled and he fell to the ground, sobbing hysterically in his mother's arms.

"I can't lose him Mum...He...He Can't be gone! Mum I love him, you can't let them take him away from me! Please Mum, tell them! Do something!"

"I'm sorry Aaron love, I'm so sorry."


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Aaron couldn't even remember how he got there, but he found himself sitting on the sofa in the dimly lit room of Smithy Cottage, Paddy and Chas fussing round him. Streams of tears were still evident on his face, his sapphire blue eyes locked onto the wall infront of him.

The last thing he could remember was desperatley trying to chase after the vehicle that took Jackson away, screaming and sobbing as the van drove out of the village. He felt a pair of strong arms holding him back. Everything was a blur after that. Hazel had gone into the van with Jackson, not wanting to say goodbye to her only son just yet.

"Aaron love, do you want a cuppa?" his mum asked, sitting beside him, and putting her arm around his shoulders.

Aaron didn't respond. He just continued to stare at the wall. Chas sighed and stood up, heading into the kitchen to talk to Paddy.

"What are we going to do Paddy?"

"He needs time Chas. He's just been told the man he loves is dead. Leave him be. He'll talk when he's ready."

"He won't though Paddy. He's my son, I know him too well. Remember what he did the last time? He felt that killing himself was better than sitting down and talking to us! Losing Jackson...What if he tries it again?"

"Well we've got to stop that from happening, haven't we?"

"How? We can't keep him locked up in here every single day."

"We'll think of something. He needs us right now Chas, whether he admits it or not, he needs us."

The sound of the front door opening then slamming shut confirmed thier greatest fears. Aaron was gone.

"We've got to go after him Paddy!"

"We don't even know where he's gone!"

"I don't care! He's fragile, his head's a mess! We need to find him! What if he does something stupid? I can't risk losing him again Paddy." Chas sobbed, putting her coat on.

"Chas, he needs time.."

"Stop telling me he needs time! He doesn't! He needs me! You can stay here if you want, but I'm going out there, and I'm not gonna stop searching until he's back here, where I know he's safe!"

"Ok, I'll call Adam, get him out there on his quad, see if he can find him." Paddy picked up the phone and dialled Adam's number. A very sleepy Adam answered, annoyed at being woken up

"Paddy? What do you want mate it's 1am!"

"Adam, Listen to me..Aaron's ran off. I dunno where he's gone."

"Well he's not here...I haven't seen him since he ran out fo the pub."

"Adam...The phonecall he got, It was from Joe. I'm sorry mate, Jackson died."

"Oh my god no! What happened Paddy?"

"We don't know yet. Just...Can you get on your quad and see if you can find Aaron anywhere? We're scared he might...well, you know."

"Yeah.." Adam sobbed "I'll go out there. I'll call you if I find him."

"Thanks, Adam."

eeeeee

Hazel sat in the cold morgue, staring at the body infront of her. Joe was sat with her, tears streaming down his face.

"He's going to find out."

"Find out what?"

"What we did! He's never going to forgive us Hazel!"

"He doesn't need to know, he doesn't have to know!"

"That's his boyfriend lying there! You don't think when they do the autopsy or whatever, they're gonna find it? They're hardly gonna keep it from Aaron, are they?"

"I'll tell them that I'll tell Aaron myself. I'll say it was natural causes."

"And Jerry? You can't lie to his father! Lying to Aaron is bad enough!"

"Don't give me the lecture Joe! You quite happily went along with it! This..." she sobbed, pointing to her son "Is what he wanted. No-one else needs to know that apart from me and you!"

"Well Maybe you can live with that Hazel, but I can't. You either face Aaron, tell him what we did, deal with the consequences, or I'll tell him myself!"


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Hazel arrived back in the village later that night. She dreading to go home to the empty house that was now Dale Head. Joe had kindly offered to stay the night, to give her the support she needed. She was glad of the company, she needed someone there to talk to. She knew she wasn't going to sleep tonight. To be honest she knew Joe wasn't going to either, and wondered if she ever would be able to again, without the guilt suffocating her as well as her dreams over what they had done earlier that night.

Hazel summoned up the courage to open the front door and turn on the light, she screamed with fear at the sight infront of her. Aaron was lying on the bed, Jackson's bed, holding his boyfriend's red checked shirt close to his chest, inhaling the scent that was Jackson, tears rolling down his face, mumbling incoherently into the shirt.

"Aaron, Oh love!"

Aaron looked up towards the door, his eyes scarlet. "Why Hazel? Why? Everything was going to be ok. I promised him! I let him down Hazel!"

Hazel rushed over to the hysterical teen and pulled him into a hug, Joe mumbled somethign about making a cup of tea, and disappeared upstairs.

"Now you listen to me. I know my boy loved you, with all of his heart. You haven't let him down Aaron. You haven't let him down at all."

"But I wasnt here. I wasn't here to say goodbye! I wasn';t here to tell him how sorry I am for doing this to him! Why the hell did i have to buy that fucking car? If i ahd listened to Cain, when he told me not to buy it... This..everything, it's all my fault! Jackson died because of what I did to him!" Aaron sobbed bitterly.

"if I knew...I-If I knew, that..I w-wouldn't see him again. I'd of stayed Hazel. Why didn't I stay with him? He died and I wasn't here! He died thinking I didn't love him! He'll of needed me, and where was I? Down the local getting pissed! Oh god Hazel what the hell have I done? I'm so sorry! I'm SO sorry!"

"Aaron, You know he loved you, and he knew that you loved him. No-one saw this coming Aaron. No-one. You're not to blame."

Joe re-appeared, holding three mugs of tea, he handed one to Aaron, which was refused. Joe sighed and placed it on the worktop. He sat down on the bed, at the other side of Aaron.

"Do you know anything about what happened Hazel?"

"No. They said the results would take a few days." Hazel cringed as she lied to Aaron. She knew Jackson hated lying, that no matter what the circumstances were he'd always want the truth. She couldn't tell Aaron. Not yet anyway, She needed him, Apart from a few belongings, Aaron was all Hazel had to remind her of her boy, and she wasn't ready to let that go. Aaron was broken, fragile, just like her. It would destroy him. She caught Joe's disapproving stare, but shrugged her shoulders and turned her attention back to Aaron "Come on, Let's get you home."

"They'll be out there. Mum and Paddy. I just walked out. They'll be going out of thier minds."

"Do you want me to walk you back, Aaron?" Joe asked

No. I'll be ok. Can I keep this?" Aaron asked, holding up the shirt. Hazel smiled and nodded, letting Aaron sit up. "He was wearing it when we first met. He looked amazing. I knew right then I wanted him and I'd stop at nothing to get him. I should of walked away. I should of ignored him., not met up with him. He'd be alive Hazel. He met me and i turned his life upside down, I killed him. And no matter what anyone says, I know thats the truth. I killed him Hazel..And i'll never, ever forgive myself."

TBC


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Aaron fumbled helplessly with his tie as he stared at his reflection in his bedroom mirror. The day he had been dreading had arived. Jackson's funeral. Hazel had informed him that it was a blood clot that killed Jackson. Aaron had accepted that, finding some comfort in what Hazel knew, was a tangled web of lies.

Paddy was standing at the doorway of Aaron's room, watching the teen become rapidly frustrated.

"Need some help, son?" Paddy asked

"I can't do this Paddy."

"I know, you've always had problems with this tie" Paddy joked, in an attempt to get Aaron to smile.

"I didnt mean the tie..." Aaron whispered.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"How can I Paddy? Face Jerry? Face half the village! They all know that Jackson's died because of me! That crash was my fault Paddy."

"Aaron, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You need to do this for you, for Jackson. He'd of wanted you there. You need to say goodbye to him."

"I don't wanna say goodbye Paddy. I want him back, I want to be able to hold him and tell him I love him, one last time."

"He knows you loved him, You didn't need to say it Aaron. He knew."

Aaron sighed and looked at himself in the mirror. "What a mess. He'd kill me turning up looking like this."

"Come on Aaron, we have to go."

eeeeee

Aaron stared at the front of the church, the harsh reality of the past two weeks was beginning to take it's toll. He was exsausted, nightmares invaded his sleep, tears constantly flowing down his face. Jackson's song started playing softly through the church speakers, Aaron always thought Jackson was soft for liking such a "soppy song".

_Spend all your time waiting  
for that second chance  
for a break that would make it okay  
there's always one reason  
to feel not good enough_

He looked to his left, Jackson's coffin was making its way down the aisle, carried by Pallbearers Jerry, Declan, Joe and Adam. Aaron was supposed to be one of them, but he backed out and persuaded Adam to do it, terrified he would drop the casket that contained his lover.

_and it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
oh beautiful release  
memory seeps from my veins  
let me be empty  
and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight_

Aaron wiped his eyes and put his arm around Hazel. She needed him right now, He had to be strong, for her sake. He knew thats what Jackson would of wanted.

_in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort here  
_

The music stopped and the service began;

"We are here today, to celebrate the life of tragic Jackson Walsh.." Ashley began

Aaron could already feel Hazel trembling in his arms, He pulled her closer, so her head was resting against his chest. He rubbed up and down her back soothingly and rocked her back and forth.

Aaron didn't tell anyone, but he'd prepared a speech to read out during the service. He was called up by Ashley. He took a couple of shaky breaths, let go of Hazel, and approached the altar.

He crouched down to Jackson's coffin first, whispering something inaudible, before placing a kiss on the golden plaque on the front of the coffin. he stood up again and cleared his throat...

"I know Hazel said she didn't want anyone to make any speeches, but since when have I listened to anybody? I just wanted to let you all know what a kind, loving man my Jackson was. I know you all have your own opinions of him, but the Jackson I saw, The Jackson that was waiting for me every night, he's different. He was normally naked, but you know.." Aaron smiled, getting a small laugh from the congregation.

"He was amazing, he IS amazing, He was all I'd ever wanted. He was friendly, kind, caring..the banter was awful though. He needed me a lot, after the accident, he'd never admit it, but I knew he needed me.. but The one night he did need me, more than ever, I wasn't there. I know no-one knew what could of possibly happened that night, but if I knew, If I could turn everything back, I would. I know deep down it was me, my fault that this happened. You all know the details of that, the crash..why he-..why he crashed. Hazel, Jerry, I know words won't mean anything now, and they never did, but I want you to know, that i Never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to hurt Jackson. I'm truly, truly sorry. Jackson.." Aaron sobbed, turning to the coffin again; "...Jackson I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't there. You were and still are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'll never, ever forget you. Say Hello to Clyde for me. Goodnight, babe."

It was then Aaron's knees buckled, he fell to the floor, he didn't care what people thought, every sob wracked his exsausted body. Chas raced to the altar, and took her devestated son into her arms, helping him to his feet.

The music started up again, as the congregation gathered outside to say thier final goodbyes.

_so tired of the straight line  
and everywhere you turn  
there's vultures and thieves at your back  
the storm keeps on twisting  
you keep on building the lie  
that you make up for all that you lack  
it don't make no difference  
escaping one last time  
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees_

Jackson's coffin was slowly lowered into the ground, Hazel looked at Aaron, he was still crying bitterly, Chas and Paddy had to hold him, to keep him standing. Hazel knew that if it was up to Aaron, he'd jump in the hole, demanding to be buried with Jackson. The guilt and grief overcame her, and she fell to the floor sobbing, Jerry rushed to her side.

"Goodnight, My Darling Jackson."

_in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort here  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort here _

_

* * *

_**Although it may seem like it, this is NOT the end of the fanfic. It just may be a while til the next update**

**Song: Angel - Sarah McLaughlin**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The congregation had moved to the Woolpack, for Jackson's wake. A selection of Jackson's favourite songs played softly through the speakers of the busy bar.

Pearl was the first to approach Hazel, both still numb from the afternoon's events.

"Jackson was such a lovley young man, Hazel, It's such a tragedy. He was like family to me. I just can't believe he's gone."

Hazel nodded and hugged Pearl "He would of been happy to know you thought so highly of him. I can't believe my darling boy has been taken away from me."

Pearl pulled Hazel into a hug and softly rubbed her back. Hazel pulled away and wiped her teary-eyes. "Sorry Pearl."

"It's ok, Sweetheart. How's he doing?" Pearl asked, motioning to Aaron who was sat alone in the corner, staring into space.

"He's barely said anything since the funeral. He's absolutely devastated."

"He will be ok?" Pearl asked

"I hope so Pearl, I hope so."

the congregation soon started talking about Jackson, sharing stories, and the general impact he had made on those that lived within the village in such a short space of time. The stories were heart-warming and funny, making Aaron want to leave instantly. He stormed out of the pub, almost walking into Chas as he did so.

"Aaron love, where are you going?"

Aaron ignored her and sat on one of the tables outside the pub.

"Aaron, come in love, It's raining" Chas shouted after him.

"I don't care! I can't sit in there and hear that lt L,AUGHING after what's happened today!"

"Aaron, love, They're just talking.."

"No doubt talking about the fact that if he didn't move here he'd still be alive! They know, and I know that i single handedly killed the love of my life and I can't take they're disapproving stares! I can't take the gossiping!"

"They don't think that at all!"

"Face it Mum! If Adam had never found me..."

"AARON LIVESY DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT!"

"WHY NOT IT'S TRUE? CLYDE'S DEAD, JACKSON'S DEAD! BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE ADAM FOUND ME!"

"Aaron, love, please, come inside." Chas sobbed

"NO! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Aaron screamed, running as fast as he could up the country lane, out of Emmerdale.

The teenager ran until he couldn't anymore, He didn't have a clue where he was, but he let his legs give way, allowing himself to fall to the cold, muddy ground..

"I'm sorry Jackson, I'm so sorry!" He sobbed, looking up to the sky. "I wish I had listened to you and not bought that car! I'm sorry that i fucked things up every single time! I'm sorry that it wasn't me in that van!"


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Aaron staggered blindly down the dark country lane leading back to Emmerdale. The all too familiar feeling of tears were still spilling from his bloodshot eyes. He stumbled helplessly through the endless miles of unseen debris, taking long and frequent swigs from the bottle that he clutched in his shaking hands.

**eeee**

Chas Dingle still sat inside the warm pub, listening to the last few mourners of the day, talking about Jackson. The landlady's head shot up as she heard the sound of the bar doors opening, expecting it to be Aaron. The disappointment was clear on his face when it turned out to be Cain.

"No luck sis, Sorry."

"We have to keep trying, Cain. What if he's got himself into some kind of trouble?"

"Then he's big enough and ugly enough to look after himself!"

"No, Cain, No he's not. He's been missing for 8 hours, he refusing to answer his phone..."

Cain sighed and ran his hands over his head, that was probably where Aaron had got it from. "Alright, Get us a pint, and then i'll go back out there."

"Thank you." Chas smiled, handing her half-brother the drink.

eeeee

Aaron was pleased to see, when he returned to Emmerdale, that it was pretty much in darkness, apart from the light radiating from the pub, and the porch light from Smithy Cottage. He ran quickly across the road, heading toward the pub, knowing that Paddy, if he wasn't in the pub already, would be watching out of the window for him. The urge for another drink was growing ever stronger, Aaron tossed the empty whisky bottle over his shoulder and scrambled to the pub doors. He'd stumbled, going up the steps, causing him to fall, hitting his head on the top step as he did so.

"Fuck!" Aaron yelled, pulling himself on to his feet.

The sound of the double doors banging open caused the pub to fall silent, Chas looked up, and tears instantly filled her brown eyes. Aaron staggered in, covered in blood and reeking of alcohol.

"Oh god, Aaron love!" Chas shrieked, rushing around to the other side fo the bar, trying to pull her devestated son into a hug

"Get off me!" Aaron yelled, falling back to move away from his mother's open arms

"Aaron, come on, get up, You need to go home, Cain'll take you."

"I don't need anyone to do anything for me!" Aaron huffed, climbing to his feet, swaying unsteadily. Chas grabbed his arm to help him regain his balance, but he shook it off "I said...Get off me!"

"Stop making a scene lad!" Cain piped up, Chas shot her brother the evils, but no-one could of anticipated what happened next. Aaron was charging for Cain, He grabbed the older man by the collar "Don't you, of all people, EVER tell me what to do! I'll fucking make a scene if i want to! After all the shit you put people through, you've got the never to tell me how I should react? The love of my life is dead Cain, What exactly don't you get about that? Or do I need to lock myself in the fucking garage again? Maybe then you'll get it!"

"Get off me, Aaron." Cain warned

"Or what? You'll hit me?"

"If I have to, yeah."

"Go on then. Do it. Go on."

Cain dropped his fist "Aaron, I never hit one of my own." He replied managing to release himself from Aaron's grip

The other villagers in the pub, Declan, Ella, Pearl and Betty were all staring at him, cue another outburst from the distraught teen.

"What are you all looking at, eh? Interrupting your perfect little lives am I? Sure, something else to hate me for. I fucking killed your perfect fucking Jackson So why not hold this against me too!"

"Aaron, Lad.." Cain replied, now much calmer "You didn't kill Jackson, everyone knows that. Come on, I'll take you home."

Aaron, either too drunk or tired, eventually gave in. Cain put his arm around the teens waist and began guiding him to the door.

"Let me clean him up first Cain, Take him through to the back, get him a coffee. Declan can you keep an eye on the bar for me?" She asked.

"Of course I can.." Declan replied. "And tell Aaron, that not of this is his fault, and we're all thinking of him."

"Thank you." Chas smiled disappearing into the back of the pub, Aaron was sat down on the sofa, clinging onto a steaming hot mug of coffee. "Want me to stay?" Cain asked

"No, you go. Declan's keeping an eye on the bar, I'll clean him up then take him home."

Cain nodded and left Chas to it, she dampened a cloth and began to clean up her son. He flinched as the hot material connected with the cut on the side of his head. "Sorry love."

Aaron shook his head, the tears starting to fall yet again. "Mum..." he croaked "What the hell am I going to do? I cant take everyone just looking at me...telling me I-I need to be strong. It won't work Mum. It...It just won't. I can't...I can't live without him..He-He was my life Mum, My world. And it's all gone, and I didn't evcen get to say goodbye, or tell him that I love him. I-I don't think i'm strong enough to get through this."

TBC


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

A dull, throbbing pain was all Aaron felt in his head as he stirred from yet another night of nightmare filled sleep. The confused teen lifted his head, and stared at the unfamilar surroundings. The sound of soft snoring caused the panicking teen's head to snap round, to see whoever was making the noise. He was relieved to find it was only his mother. The memories of last night came flooding back, the staggering into the village, having a fight with Cain in the pub. It dawned, that's where he was, he was in the back of the Woolpack. The clear bowl which had been filled with water, to clean up his cuts still stood on the coffee table.

Aaron's stirring woke Chas, she yawned and squinted at him through eyeliner stained eyes. Being careful not to cause an argument, she placed a hand on her son's shoulder

"How you feeling, kid?"

Aaron just shrugged and stood up, he swayed slightly, and his knees gave way, sending him crashing back onto the sofa.

"When did you last eat, Aaron?"

Aaron shook his head again, he honestly couldn't remember. "I don't know...maybe the day before Jackson...I don't know."

"Aaron, you need to eat something." Chas sighed, standing up from the sofa, and heading into the kitchen.

"I don't want anything, Mum."

"Son, please? You'll make yourself ill."

"Don't care. Can you let me out please?" Aaron asked, heading towards the door.

Chas sighed and placed the kettle back down on the wooden work top.

"Ok. Just...I'm here for you, Aaron, whenever you are ready." she smiled, leading him through to the front of the pub and unlocking the door

Aaron nodded and left the Woolpack and headed up to Dale Head. He knocked firmly on the wooden door,. and Hazel pulled it open. She looked almost as bad as him, her hair was untidy and unwashed, she was still wearing the clothes that she wore to her son's funeral. Aaron noticed that she too had lost weight since the tragedy over two weeks ago. Hazel was just as shocked to see the man infront of her. Was that really Aaron? He looked so lost, scared, vulnerable, his face had broken out into dark red spots, a stark contrast to his pale white skin. His once sapphire blue eyes were black and bloodshot, dark circles surrounded them, proving the teen had just about as much sleep as her. "Aaron love..What's happened?" she asked, also noticing the gash just above Aaron's left eyebrow.

"I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna talk to you, about Jackson...What he said before...Did he ask for me?"

Hazel sighed and sat down. "He just told me to tell you, that he loved you, with all his heart."

"Do you think he'd of wanted me to be here?"

"He was in a state Aaron. He knew that maybe you seeing him just slip away like that..."

"I just, wish I could of said goodbye, tell him I love him one last time..."

"He knew, Aaron, He knew you loved him."

"Can you remmeber what his last words were?" Aaron asked, his voice cracking slightly

"He just said that he...that he loves us all, and he'll be watching over you. He left this for you."

Hazel picked up a familiar chain from Jackson's bedside table and handed it to Aaron. Tears flowed down Aaron's cheeks as he stared at the metallic object in his hands. He kissed the cross on it, which he'd saw Jackson do a few times, and put it over his head.

"It looks beautiful on you. Promise me you'll take good care of that, Aaron."

"I'll guard it with my life, Hazel" Aaron replied, wiping his eyes

"I'll go and make us a cuppa. Want some cake too? You need some food in you." Aaron nodded and Hazel half-smiled and headed upstairs.

Aaron began looking around the house, He remembered he'd put a photo of himself and Jackson in Lanzarote in the top drawer or the cabinet opposite Jackson's bed, to keep it safe until a frame suitable was found to fit the picture. He had a frame at home, and wanted to keep the picture beside his bed. He smiled slightly when he found what he'd needed and picked it up, looking at how happy they both were. He couldn't help thinking how much thier lives had changed since then, Jackson, Having the accident, and leaving him. That's how Aaron looked at it. He knew nothing could of been done to prevent it, but as far as he was concerned, Jackson had left him.

He noticed a large brown envelope that was underneath the picture, he pulled it from the drawer and read the front. It was addressed to Hazel, from Hotten General. He pulled out the document inside, noticing it to be a toxicology report. Desperate to gain some closure over Jackson, he read the report, wanting to know exactly what could of caused the blood clot Hazel told him Jackson had died of. The colour drained from Aaron's face as he noticed, in clear writing:

"Cause of Death: Suspected Overdose"

TBC


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Tears stung the back of Aaron's sapphire blue eyes as he stared at the documnet before. Aaron's head were racing with thoughts, as he debated whether to confront her, or put the document back. He didn't have the chance however, as Hazel came back down the stairs, carrying a tray laden with tea and biscuits.

"The cake was out of date pet, You'll have to make do with Jammie Dodgers!"

"Jackson's favourite." Aaron remembered

"Yeah, that's right. Mind you he was partial to the odd..."

Hazel's voice trailed off as she noticed Aaron clutching something, something she tried so hard to hide. He was staring at her, his eyes flashing with sheer hatred.

"Looks like you've got some explaining to do. Don't you think?" Aaron asked

"Aaron..."

"Hazel no...Please tell me you didn't." Aaron pleaded, his voice cracking with raw emotion

"I'm sorry..."

"And that's supposed to make everything better?"

"Aaron he was...he was desperate!"

"THAT DOESNT MAKE IT OKAY!" Aaron yelled

"He needed me! What the hell was i supposed to do? I couldn't take it anymore Aaron! My boy was falling apart infront of my eyes"

"Dont you dare make this about you! You told me he died of a blood clot Hazel! You lied to me!"

"My boy needed me, Aaron!"

"He was my boy too! you had no right Hazel! YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO KILL HIM!"

"Will you keep your voice down!"

"Scared someone's going to find out what a cold hearted bitch you really are?"

"Don't you dare take that tone with me!"

"I'll take whatever tone I like with you! You killed my boyfriend! the love of my life! I've been fucking falling apart, blaming myself for everything that has happened! You let me sit in here that night, laying all the blame onto myself! I've sat at home, knowing what i did to Jackson, Making myself physically sick, hating myself, thinking i was the reason he got that blood clot!"

"Aaron love..."

"Dont you DARE come anywhere near me! I hate you!"

"Aaron, I need your support in this. If the police find out..."

"WHEN the police find out! What do you want me to do? forget this happened? pull you into a cuddle and tell you everything's gonna be ok? You deserve everything you fucking get!" Aaron tried to get past Hazel, but the older woman blocked his exit.

"That's it, Betray Jackson. Turn me in."

"Don't...Dont you dare make me feel like the guilty one! Don't you think you've done enough of that? Jesus Christ Hazel look at me! I stink, I'm not eating, I can't sleep. Them nightmares have come back. All I'm doing to get me through each day is finding some kind of comfort at the bottom of a bottle of.. well, Southern Comfort! I'm breaking Paddy's heart, my Mum's.. Adam's terrfied im gonna commit suicide again! And you know what? I fucking want to! I even tried to knock seven shades of shit out of Uncle Cain! All because of your pathetic fucking lies!"

"Jackson wouldnt of wanted it to happen like this!"

"Yeah, you were never gonna tell me! That's why Jackson didn't wanna come to Ryan's party. You'd already fucking planned to kill him that night knowing i wasnt going to be there! How could you do that to me Hazel?" Aaron asked, tears spilling from his eyes and soaking his black hoody as they trickled down his neck.

"Jackson thought it would of been easier if you thought he'd just died of natural causes."

"HOW IS THIS ANY EASIER?"

"Why were you looking through the drawers anyway! Nothing in there concerns you!"

"APART FROM THIS! MY BOYFRIEND IS DEAD AND YOU'RE TELLING ME IT DOESNT CONCERN ME?" Aaron screamed

"You had no right to go snooping about!"

"I was looking for this." Aaron replied, pulling a picture out of the pocket of his scruffy hoody. "The picture of me and Jackson on the beach in Lanzarote. The one YOU put in that top drawer, to keep safe til we found a frame for it. I found one at home. I remembered where you put the picture and went to get it. Bit stupid of you really, putting THIS right underneath a photo of me and Jackson! Why Hazel? Why did you kill him? Why did you give him an overdose?"

"It wasn't just me." Hazel sobbed

"What?"

"Joe...He helped..."

"You're bringing Joe into this now? You evil, twisted bitch!"

Hazel lost her temper, and slapped Aaron hard. The slap echoed round the house and Hazel's hand was tingling from the harsh contact.

"Oh god, Aaron...I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry! Look at me, please!" Hazel sobbed

Aaron kept his head down, covering the side of his burning face with his hand "I can't. I can't bear to look at you! If you think you're getting away with this, you can think again! I'm taking this to the police!"

"Aaron, please, dont...for Jackson." Hazel begged

"No. As far as I'm concerened, you're as dead as he is." Aaron spat, walking past Hazel and out of the cottage, slamming the door behind him.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Aaron ran as fast as he could, heading for Smithy, tears stinging the back of his eyes. he could hear people calling after him. He stopped and turned, to see Adam running towards him.

"Mate, what's happened?"

"She killed him. She fucking killed him!" Aaron sobbed, pushing Adam away.

"What? What are you talking about Aaron?"

"Just leave me alone Adam!" Aaron yelled, turning again and heading for Smithy Cottage.

The teen burst through the door, and headed straight for the trolley in the living room, which was full with several bottles of alcohol. Picking up the fullest bottle he could find, he was about to walk out before his Mum stopped him

"Aaron? What are you doing?"

"Just keep your nose out, alright?"

"No...Aaron..put the bottle down kid. Come on, talk to me." Chas pleaded, noticing the bottle in Aaron's hands.

"No!"

"Aaron!"

Her pleas fell on deaf ears, Aaron was out the door yet again, running away from his problems.

Aaron ran into the cemetery, and collapsed on his knees at Jackson's grave, the tears still rolling down his face.

"Why didn't you talk to me Jay? Tell me what was going on? Why did you let me find out like this?" Aaron sobbed, taking a swig from the bottle and pulling a face as the clear liquid slid down his throat. He looked at the label. Gin. He didn't even like it! he shrugged and continueds to drink, finding some strange sense of comfort in the bitter taste.

"I thought you loved me Jay. You promised me things were gonna be ok. You promised me you were going to try and live, try and get help! why would you lie to me?"

eeeeee

Chas sat in the cottage, in the arms of Paddy, tears rolling down her face "Why can't I help him, Paddy? Why? What am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing Chas. You are doing nothing wrong. There's nothing else for it, We're gonna have let him come to terms with it, let him know we're here WHEN he's ready to talk."

"And how will that help? Paddy, he's out there,. god knows where, he's taken a bottle of alcohol with him. I can't stand by and watch him do this to himself!"

A knock at the door disturbed them, Paddy opened it, Hazel was standing there, tears rolling down her face.

"I need to see Aaron." She sobbed

"He's not here. He's ran away, again."

"This is all my fault. He knew..he found out."

"Found out what, Hazel?" Paddy asked, as she sat down on the sofa beside Chas.

"You have to understand I did it out of love."

"Did what?" Chas asked

"Jackson. Aaron found out..."

"Found out what?" Chas asked, getting more annoyed

"He was desperate. I couldn't stand by and watch him fall apart like that..."

Chas' eyes widened as it dawned on her "No...Hazel please don't tell me you killed him!"

Hazel nodded her head slowly, greif overcoming her once again.

"It's all he wanted."

"And you didn't think of saying no? Hazel Aaron came to me two weeks before Jackson died, and told me that Jackson had promised to get help, go to counselling..." Paddy said

"I know. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. His head was a mess Chas"

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't of killed him! Hazel he wasn't thinking clearly!"

"I know when my boy wants something, and I know that I can't change his mind! I never could! even when he was a child!"

"You killed your own son? And you didn't tell my Aaron?"

"He would have only tried to stop it. That's why we did it.,..that night. When he was at Ryan's party."

"Can you blame him for that? For gods sake Hazel! Jackson was Aaron's whole world! God forbid the lad would have done everything he could to help Jackson come through it!" Paddy yelled

"Who is this "we" Hazel? Was someone else involved?"

Hazel nodded. "I blackmailed him, threatened him, wouldn't let it drop until he eventually agreed."

"Jerry?" Chas asked, shocked

"No...Joe."

"You got his CARER to help him die?" Paddy asked

"Jackson wanted it so much! I had to do it. I couldn't put my boy through that anymore!"

"So..You decided to kill Jackson. Only what Jackson wanted mattered. It doesnt matter to you that my son is out there now, god knows where, getting into who knows what kind of trouble? It didn't occur to you AT ALL how much this would affect MY BOY?"

"Your boy can still walk, cant he? He had no idea what Jackson was going through!"

"NEITHER DID YOU! YOU CAN STILL WALK!"

"A mother knows these things."

"YOU'RE NOT A MOTHER ANYMORE!"

"I KNOW! But i had to do what was right. i had to do what Jackson wanted."

"No, you didn't. You should of got him help. Congratulations Hazel. Not only have you killed your boy, but you've as good as killed mine too!"

eeeee

Aaron sat on the grass, staring at the headstone infront of him: "Jackson Walsh 5th August 1987-7th June 2011. Loving son, brother and boyfriend. Forever in our hearts."

Aaron sobbed as he drank the last of the liquid in the bottle. It had began to rain now, soaking everything around him. "Why Jay? Why? You promised me..." Aaron repeated, over and over again.

eeeee

Chas stormed out of the house, deperate to find Aaron. The images flashing through her head of what could of happened to him made her blood run cold. She needed help. She was never going to find Aaron on her own. she pulled out her phone, and rang Carl's number.

"Carl, I need your help. Aaron's ran away, again. No Carl it's serious this time, It's not like before. He found out...Hazel killed Jackson. He came home, swiped a bottle of booze and then left again. He's so fragile Carl, I can't lose him. Can you go out in your van? He could have gone anywhere. Please Carl."

Chas hung up, after Carl reluctantly agreed. He never really liked Aaron, but he knew the teen was in a mess, and was desperate to do anything he could to win back Chas. Even if it meant using Aaron, and his grief to get what he wanted.

eeeee

Aaron was still in the graveyard, his position had changed, his head was now resting on the side of Jackson's headstone, and his arm was draped across the muddy hill where his lover lay. His phone was rested at the side, playing the song on a low volume that he used to bring Jackson out of his coma after that fateful night. "Please wake up, Jackson. please wake up...Wake up Jackson..." his eyes began to get heavy, and he gave into the sleep that was desperate to take over his body.

eeeee

Chas scoured the whole village, the cricket pavillion, everywhere she could think of. It suddenly clicked in her head, and she raced as fast as she could in her heels to the cemetery.

When she reached the cemetery, she saw him. Curled up on his side, motionless. "Aaron!"


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Chas raced to her son's lifeless form "Aaron? Aaron wake up!"

Aaron groggily opened one eye and looked around him. "Go away!"

"No. You are not going to keep pushing me away! You're coming home!"

"I said leave me alone." Aaron huffed, closing his eyes again.

Chas wasn't taking no for an answer and grabbed Aaron's hand

"You either get up or I'll drag you up!"

Aaron sighed and stood up, wobbling on his feet and falling straight back down again.

Looking at his Mum's expression through half closed eyes, he knew she wasn't going anywhere soon. He climbed to his feet yet again, and managed to keep his balance this time. He felt Chas throw her arm around his side, a desperate attempt to keep him standing.

After what seemed like hours of struggling, they arrived at Smithy Cottage. The door banged open, disturbing Paddy who was on the phone.

"Adam don't worry, he's back now. Alright, Bye" Paddy hung up and looked at Aaron. He was slumped down in the chair at the table, his face pale and his eyes bloodshot.

"This one needs sobering up! I found him asleep on Jackson's grave, Paddy." Chas sighed, sitting opposite her son.

"God will you two stop fussing over me?" Aaron slurred

"We will when you pull yourself together! Would Jackson want you doing this?" Chas regretted what she had said immediatley, Aaron jumped up and kicked the chair he was sitting in halfway across the room

"You don't know ANYTHING about what Jackson would want! All I know it that is was never me!"

"Never you what?" Paddy asked, trying to calm the teen down

"He never wanted me! He regretted the day he met me! If he hadn't he'd still be alive! He got Hazel to kill him, while I wasn't there! I wasn't there, Paddy, because he didn't wanna say goodbye!"

"Jackson loved you Aaron, Completely. You were his world."

"Then why didn't he let me be in it for those last few minutes, Paddy? Why did he do this without me?"

"I wish I knew the answer to that Aaron, honestly, I do."

"All I wanted was to be there, to say goodbye." Aaron sobbed, he winced suddenly and placed a hand on his chest, struggling to get his breath

"Aaron? Are you ok?" Paddy asked, preparing himself for the teen having another panic attack

Aaron nodded and sat back down at the table, staring at the coffee his Mum put infront of him.

He rested his head on the wooden surface, and realising how tired he was, he allowed the sleep to take over once again.

eeee

Aaron awoke the next morning, still sleeping at the table, He squinted at the clock and realised he'd slept for quite a long time. He stretched and pulled himself off the chair and crept up the stairs and went into the bathroom, reaching for the painkillers to end the constant drumming in his head and the churning of his stomach.

He sighed as he'd opened his bedroom door, thinking about the first night Jackson had spent here, thier first time, and the time he caught Jackson, lying on the bed, getting his rocks off to a picture of Dermot O'Leary. He'd freaked when he saw it, but now, thinking back, Jackson's face when he saw him, was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

Getting changed quickly into his overalls, he left the room, not wanting to have another break down and end off being late for work. He wasn't expected in, but he needed something to take his mind off the dull ache that had constantly been there since that night.

Aaron left the cottage quickly and began his walk to work, Cain spotted him and immediatley tried to dismiss him.

"Aaron, What are you doing?"

"Urm, coming to work?"

"No, you're not, Go home lad."

"Cain I don't want to go home!" Aaron yelled "Just tell me what to do."

"You're not working Aaron. End of. Not while you're like this."

"Like what? Greiveing you mean? Well forgive me for that!"

"No, I mean going out every night, getting drunk, falling asleep in the cemetery...I think That.." Cain replied, pointing to Dale Head; "Is the last place you want to see right now!"

"Don't tell me how I should be thinking! I'm here to work so I'm going to..." Aaron stopped mid sentence as he was again finding it difficult to breathe. The chest pains from earlier were back, but this time they were for more severe. He was scared, this wasn't a panic attack.

"Cain..I...cant..." His vision became blurry and the last thing he saw was Cain running towards him, before darkness engulfed him.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Cain paced the marble floor of Hotten General nervously, as doctors rushed Aaron into intensive care. The sound of shouting and heels clomping on the floor only meant one thing, Chas was here.

"What the hell is going on Cain? Why did you make him go into work? you know he's a mess!"

Cain sighed and rubbed his head "You listen to me, I had NO idea Aaron was going to come into work today and I sure as hell didn't ring him and ask him to work, so you can button it if all you're gonna do is have a dig at me!"

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I tried sending him packing, send him back home, but he was having none of it. He was adamant he wanted to work, He started yelling at me, telling me I needed to tell him what needed doing. He started having trouble breathing and clutched his chest, then he collapsed."

"What did they have to say about it?" Chas asked, glaring at a doctor standing at the reception desk

"They think it's a heart attack."

"A HEART ATTACK?" Chas screamed "He's 19! You don't just collapse of a heart attack at 19!"

"Maybe not any 19 year old, but a 19 year old that's just lost his boyfriend and has been drinking like our Shadrach might!"

"Hazel's done this to him!"

"Hazel? What's she got to do with this?"

"She killed Jackson!"

"What? She told Our Aaron Jackson died of a blood clot!"

"Yeah, she lied. Aaron went round there to see how she was doing, started looking for a photo of Jackson that he had found a frame for. He remembered where Hazel had put it and went to get it, that's when he came across the toxicology report. Hazel gave Jackson a lethal dose of drugs, with the help of Joe! She said she lied to try and protect him, she never intended for Aaron to find out the truth."

"Joe? His CARER?"

"Yeah" Chas sniffed, tears rolling down her face

"Right, that's it, as soon as I get home, I'm ringing the Social! Get that murdering peice of scum out of a job and into a cell! and as for Hazel, Clearly killing Jackson wasn't enough! What if this kills Aaron too?"

"Oh god..Cain, What if you're right? What if he dies? I know it's probably what Aaron wants right now, But I can't lose him.."#

"He'll recover, Sis, I'm sorry for saying that, you know as well as I do Our Aaron's a fighter. But I meant what I said about Joe."

"Aaron had the toxicology report last. He was still clutching it when I found him last night, Lying on Jackson's grave."

"And you don't know where it went after that?"

"We got back to Smithy and we were so concerned over Aaron, we forgot about it, What if it's lost? That's the only evidence we had!"

"We'll find it. The main priority right now is Aaron. I'm sure they've got details of it somewhere, like the Coroner might have it on file or something. Let's just get Aaron through this first."

"What's his state of mind gonna be like when he wakes up? Is he gonna be angry that he didn't die, make a full recovery, get out of here and do something stupid?"

A doctor approached them "Are you here with Mr. Livesy?"

"Yes." Chas replied, standing up. "I'm his mother and he is his Uncle."

"I'm Dr. Jackson, I'm sorry to tell you that Aaron has had a heart attack. Has he been under any stress recently that could of been a factor to this?"

"His boyfriend died recently. He's been very stressed, he hasn't been sleeping and he's been drinking."

The doctor nodded and wrote everything that Chas told him on his clipboard.

"He's going to be ok though, right?"

"It's very early days I'm afraid, we can't say anything as yet, all I can tell you is the next 24 hours are critical."

"Can we see him?" Cain asked

"Yes, but please, only one visitor at a time." the doctor smiled and walked away.

"Dr. Jackson? Wow thats gonna do Aaron the world of good isn't it?" Chas sighed "You go in first Cain, I better call Paddy."

"You sure, Sis?"

"Yeah, go on. See if you can get him to wake up. He listens to you!"

Cain walked into the room, and saw Aaron hooked up to many machines.

"Hey Our kid, You enjoy scaring us, don't you? Listen, Your Mum told me the truth about Jackson. You need to wake up Aaron, tell us where that report is, tell the police what's happened. I know it's against Dingle Code to be a grass, but she deserves everything she gets. Look at what she's done to you! She's destroyed you Aaron and it's high time someone destoryed her!"

TBC


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Aaron groaned as a harsh light invaded his delicate head. He could hear voices around him, talking about him. He opened his eyes slowly, and focused on the face infront of him.

"Mum..."

Chas had snapped out of her trance and looked at her son through teary eyes "Aaron!"

"What...happened? Why am I here?" Aaron Asked, becoming more aware of his surroundings and noticing he was in hospital.

"You've had a heart attack, kid."

Aaron shook his head, confused "No...No Mum i'm 19.. I cant have..."

Chas stroked her son's pale face "Ssh, It's ok Aaron. You're gonna be ok, Try not to talk so much, eh? I'll go and get the doctor."

Chas left the room, and within what felt like seconds, she was back with the doctor

"Ah Aaron, good to have you back with us. How do you feel?"

"Tired..." Aaron croaked

The doctor nodded and looked at Aaron's chart that was at the bottom of his bed.

"Now Aaron, As your Mum told you, You've had a heart attack. I understand you've been under a lot of stress recently?"

Aaron just nodded.

"Your mum filled me in on recent events, I'm sorry for your loss Aaron. We think that it is the main catalyst for your heart attack."

"He is going to be ok though?" Chas asked

"Well, the heart attack was quite severe, which I am surprised at for a lad at such a young age. We need to keep him in for at least another week, keep an eye on him. It's going to take a long time to recover from this, But I have no doubts he will make a full recovery."

"Shame.." Aaron mumbled, just loud enough for his mum to hear. She thanked the doctor and he left, promising her he would be back soon to check up on Aaron.

"Aaron, You need to listen to me." Chas sighed, sitting down "This is your wake up call, this is your body telling you it can't take it anymore. Aaron, love, you need to stop this."

"Stop grieving you mean. Stop thinking about Jackson? Stop thinking about the fact that evil bitch killed my boyfriend? That's not just going to go away mum!"

"I know son, I know. I mean the drinking, the fighting, Aaron if this happens to you again...you might not be so lucky."

"Like I give a damn!"

"I GIVE A DAMN! Cain, Paddy, Adam...We all care about you! We want to help you Aaron, you just have to let us in! Let us help you!"

"I dont need any help mum! I'll get through this MY way!"

"Well you need to think of a new way Aaron! Look where "your way" has put you! You could of died!"

"I dont...care! Just get out Mum, alright? Just get lost and don't come back! I dont give a damn whether I live or die, ok? I don't give a damn whether I have another heart attack!. I want out of this fucking nightmare of a life!"


End file.
